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LIFE: Dear New Yorker #1

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I came up with the idea to write one letter a week to the most annoying New Yorker I've encountered during the course of my week. Let's see how long I can keep this up - Let's begin!

Dear Mr. Conversation-Starter,

It's 10:30 at night, we're freezing our asses off at the bus stop and here you come disrupting the little peace we have to complain to us about how long the buses are taking - mind you, the bus you're waiting for, just passed two minutes prior to your grand entrance. Oh I know your little ploy, you complain out loud and make eye contact with the people around you. The poor soul who catches your gaze is now designated BEST FRIEND for the entirety of your co-existence.

And you know, we've all at one time or another sought out the comfort of fellow New Yorkers when we're stuck in shitty situations, like freezing while waiting for the bus, but we DO NOT need to know your whole life story.
You came from church, you need to pray to God to give you strength to deal with your weed smoking neighbor ... should I really know all this without even talking to you? Seriously dude, do you want a medal for discovering prayer? I'm glad I knew better and the second you showed up sipping your grape soda I turned and looked down at my hands.

If I had no fear of you going psycho and stabbing me, I would have said: "Please sir, with all due respect, shut the f*** up." You can't say this any politer in New York English, really you can't.

Oh and not that this matters, but that leather biker vest was really not meant to be worn over an OLD NAVY hoodie and some sweats. God help you.


Your Fellow Bus Rider,

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